Swirls of Darkness
by Shenya
Summary: Ch1: A certain yami, in darkness, no way out. Ch2: Thoughts of his hikari. The moon and the stars shine, and the blood flows oh so gently... Rating changed due to violence, but mostly just to be sure
1. Bakura

I still don't own Yugioh, as should be clear without stating it... And to all readers of StD - forgive me for being so late. I'm still not sure when the next chapter will be up, but I'm hoping it won't be so very long...  
  
Okay, don't kill me for writing this. It's weird, twisted and brutal. I kinda like it, but I cannot say if the same goes for you. Please, caution in reading this!!!  
  
I've been obsessively reading other's fics for the last few days. And I think I found one author that I like pretty much, who writes depressive stuff right to my taste. So this fic is dedicated to Chibizoo. *nods* Yep! So it is... Perhaps I'll end up writing more to this, but I'm not so sure...  
  
Swirls of Darkness  
  
What... Where was he? All was dark. He couldn't see. Why couldn't he see? Where was the light? What had happened to the light that so generously flowed over the rooftops in the mornings, that faded away to blue dreams in the night? Where had the light gone?  
  
This wasn't night, night had light in it. Night had the glowing moon in the sky, accompanied by those twinkling points of light known as stars. No... There was absolutely no light here, there was no light, where had the light gone? What happened to the light?  
  
He felt like the absolute absence of light was suffocating him. Who knew what lurked in the darkness? Gods, why couldn't he see? There, what was that? A sound? What sound? Please, would somebody tell him what that sound was? Why couldn't there be light so he could see what had made that sound?  
  
There, it came again! What had made that sound? Countless possibilities flew around in his head. There were so many evil things lurking here. He just knew it. How could it be otherwise? This place had no light. It was the playground of evil. What evil? Many kinds of evil. The kind of evil that haunted the night, the invisible creatures chilling your blood. The kind of evil that really existed, masterminds behind twisted plans that only wanted benefit. The kind of evil that waited, waited, waited, knife in hand, to take your life and capture it and twist it any way they wanted. The kind of evil that lurked in the recesses of everyone's minds, waiting for an opportunity to get out, to break the world even further. All kinds of evil.  
  
He waited, sweated, hoped he wouldn't be found. Yes, be silent, so silent nothing can hear you, be as silent as the eternal silence that filled this place, stop breathing and your heart from beating if necessary. Yes, be small, so small nothing can find you, be as small and in the same time infinite as this place, curl up and try to be nothing, for in that lies the salvation.  
  
Why couldn't there be light? There couldn't be light... That's right, there couldn't be light. This was the place of darkness, this was him, this was the mind of all those murderers, all those evil things creeping in the night.  
  
This was him? Was he evil? Was he twisted and bad and condemned and crazy and murderous...? He couldn't bring himself to think on it. No, that darkness might be listening.  
  
In fact it _was_ listening, waiting, gleaming eyes watching him in rapture, enjoying his torment. What had he done to deserve this? Surely no one should go through this hell? Please, would someone please save him from this place where light didn't exist? Where hope shouldn't exist? Where evil things were real and lusting for your blood?  
  
He very nearly whimpered. Where was his light now? He was sure everyone had light, but where was his? What had happened to _his_ light? Had it been suffocated in this terrible darkness? Had his light died in this void, without him knowing, him being able to help?  
  
No! His light was alive! His light was safely inside him, tucked away until he could let it out... Wasn't it? His light, his soul, it was safe? Safely tucked away until he could release it again? Surely he had done so?  
  
A horrible realization came to him. There was no light inside him. There was only darkness, shadows covering everything, evil radiating off of every single inch of his mind, and behind every corner there was traps, waiting to devour the unsuspecting prey. His light was dead. He had killed his light. There was no salvation for him, no eternal afterlife, no hope. He had killed his light. It lay brutally murdered with his other victims. His light was long gone.  
  
How had he expected to survive without light? His light, his hope, the only thing that might have protected him. It was gone. He was alone. Alone in the dark, desperately trying to stop the sobs from coming out so he wouldn't be heard. He was so alone. He had never been so alone in his whole life.  
  
Light! He screamed in his mind. He needed light! Please come back to me, my sweet precious light! Save me from this darkness, those cruel eyes watching me from afar!  
  
He opened his eyes. He could feel how his white hair stuck to his face. He could feel the hard floor beneath his body. He could feel the pool of sticky blood under him.  
  
He rose form the floor, eyes searching for that one thing he knew he would find right on the bed. His light. He weakly walked to the silent body on the bed. Weak sound of breathing came. He was still alive, but barely. Was there still time..?  
  
No. Death was coming, nothing could stop it this time. Trying to keep the uncaring mask on his face, he leaned forward, catching the coppery smell wafting from the boy. Seeing the gaping wounds on his frail body. So pale skin... How long would he last? Not long.  
  
He collapsed on top of his light. He needed light, why couldn't he have light? Where was his light when he needed it?  
  
Right. It was lying beneath him, bloody, weak, struggling to take breath one more time, heart trying to beat one more time. His light was nearly gone. How could he not have seen how much he needed his light?  
  
He could see the eyes open a fraction. A strangled cry was heard in the room, and he realized it was him. He crushed his lips against his light's, tasting him, wanting perhaps to have that light that was fading to himself.  
  
It didn't work, as he noticed soon. Nothing would keep his light from fading. Those glazed eyes watched him without seeing.  
  
How dare the light leave him when he needed it so badly? How dare it go now when he wanted it, lusted for it? He was angry now.  
  
All the light's fault. Why couldn't it be stronger? Why couldn't it stay burning even when the darkness surrounded it? He hated the light now.  
  
He grabbed the knife resting on the bed beside the light and plunged it through the light's chest. This wasn't fair! How dare the light leave him? It had no right to do so!  
  
Pain exploded inside him. His sweet light was leaving him? That wasn't fair! Light should always be there for him! He pulled the knife out again. Blood welled in the deep wound. How dare the light do this to him? He took a good hold of the knife and slit the light's throat. More blood. How much blood was there? There was too much blood, why couldn't the light be gone already? He hated it! Go away light! I don't need you, see if I care when you're gone! Goodbye now, sweet light.  
  
Tears slid down his cheeks. Tears? He was crying? Please... Light, help me. Hikari dear, don't go away, I love you so much it hurts. Please?  
  
He heard how the horribly mutilated body took one last deep breath. Then there was no sound from it. His light was gone.  
  
Darkness reigned. But without light there really was no dark either. Darkness disappeared, leaving only a dead body on the bead.  
  
---  
  
AN: ...Okay. That was creepy. But now that I finally have started writing again, perhaps I'll get around to StD soon. I don't know what I was doing, writing this, and to think I even have ideas for future chapters... Would you please tell me what you think of this? Any kind of comment is highly appreciated! 


	2. Ryou

Hmm... It's the hikari POV to this little ficlet. Need I say more? It's violent, and includes yaoi elements. Still dedicated to Chibizoo, who has done an amazing job in arranging the contest (which I unfortunately didn't have enough time to participate in... *sigh*)  
  
Swirls of Darkness: Ryou  
  
I sighed, looking out of my bedroom window. No moon. And the stars I couldn't see, the streetlights made the world below so bright it dimmed whatever light those distant suns had sent to this direction. I really needed to go to sleep. I had school tomorrow.  
  
But sleep wouldn't come. I had lied here for a few hours, trying to keep all thoughts out of my head so I could drift off to the land of dreams. But no, it wouldn't work, there was so much to think of. It all seemed to attack me when darkness settled over the world. Well, this part of the world. The other side of the Earth was obviously bathed in sunlight, enjoying the sometimes harsh caresses of this solar system's provider of light. Our star. Our very own star. Perhaps it was a bit too bright sometimes, but most of the time I loved it.  
  
Then other times... Other times I would just want to smother that light and hide in the darkness. But that had it's own problems, too. Darkness was soothing, darkness was concealing, but darkness brought the thoughts and, quite simply, the darkness. The darkness of my environment, the darkness of my mind, the darkness of my other.  
  
Yes. The other me. Darkness was his element. Darkness was him. He came with the setting sun more often that not. He came with his thoughts and his desires and his own mind, his will, his overbearing presence. His quick reflexes and his lithe body. His deep crimson eyes. His maniacal cackle resounding from the walls. His unaffectionate nature, his deep voice, his uncaring exterior. His love. His fear. His past.  
  
Didn't we all have different attributes that made us different from all the others? Didn't we all come with a past and our own thoughts?  
  
Oh yes. And he came with 3000 years worth of them. He came and he overwhelmed me so easily. I feared it, feared the way I cast aside nearly everything else when he was around. I feared what I became around him. And I loved the fear, embraced the changes, was willingly seduced by his cruel musings of life.  
  
I couldn't deny these facts, and that frightened me too. And it greatly amused him. He liked to play with me.  
  
He liked to come out of his Soulroom at the most inappropriate moments just to stare at me - if I was lucky. Sometimes I wasn't lucky, and those times would be better forgotten. The things he did... I was very lucky to be sane at this point. At least I thought I was sane, but could I really tell the difference if one of those fun nights of the other me I had passed the border between sanity and insanity? I couldn't really make up my mind on that subject.  
  
But that wasn't very important, was it? I mean, it's not like I needed sanity anyway. I laughed bitterly at this. I had come far from what I had been to think like this.  
  
"What are you laughing at?"  
  
"Oh, nothing."  
  
He gave me a curious look. But I knew he wouldn't push me to revealing it. It wasn't important.  
  
I watched him stalk forward into my room, returning from who knows where. It's not like I wanted to know, it was just that I would feel better knowing what he did on those nightly excursions of his. I wanted to know about him, abut his life. He was an interesting person, not made less so by the fact that he lived in an ancient Egyptian ring. Or that when he had been a normal person, he had been the self-proclaimed Touzoku-ou [1]. I didn't even know how I had managed to get that piece of information out of him, he was usually so secretive.  
  
"Too bad we can't see the stars here"  
  
He sat on the edge of my bed, looking wistfully out of the window. The light from the streetlamps was cast on his face through the window, leaving it partially in the shadows.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I just wanted you to see them properly"  
  
I couldn't think of an answer to that. He wasn't often so...thoughtful.  
  
"Say, yadonushi [2], do you ever think why we're here?"  
  
"Not really. I don't often think of that kind of questions"  
  
Not a muscle moved on his face, but I could feel his disappointment. Somehow I felt ashamed. He was still looking out of the window, not sparing one glance at me. But he leaned backwards slightly, supporting himself on his hands - which were now on the other side of me than he was. I had long ago learned not to care how close he was. He did what he did and that was that, I had no choice in the matter.  
  
"Too bad."  
  
The following silence was disturbing, at least to me. But I didn't feel like breaking it myself, this somehow...sad mood he was in was most likely fragile, easy to change into something else.  
  
After what seemed like hours, he turned away from his silent vigil of the stars, now looking at me, his face framed by his silvery-white clumps of hair.  
  
"Do you value life, yadonushi?"  
  
"Of course. You should know me well enough to know that"  
  
The question confused me. He confused me. I couldn't remember him acting quite like this before - although there had been several close calls. But this was different.  
  
"No, I mean do you really, truly value life?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He sighed.  
  
"I shouldn't have expected you to understand. Oh well"  
  
"If you just explain this to me, I'm sure I will!"  
  
"Urusei!" [3]  
  
The low growl made me cringe. That mood really _was_ easy to break. His mouth was twisted into a snarl now, his eyes piercingly staring into mine.  
  
"If you don't understand it now, it is highly unlikely you would no matter how many times I explained it to you. It is something you need to get yourself."  
  
He leaned closer, probably wanting to make sure I understood this piece of wisdom he had graciously given me. He didn't usually bother with that. No explanations for the poor Ryou, oh no, he just had to live with the constantly changing rules.  
  
I tried to sink through the bed. At least he wouldn't be so close then. I could feel his breath on my face. I could feel the warmth of his body. I tried not to think of it.  
  
"What might possibly go through your pretty little head now, yadonushi? You're blushing"  
  
He grinned ferally and leaned closer still. I was indeed blushing, trying to fight it down. Not a good idea to behave like this with _him_ around. Really. He might just decide I needed to have what he thought I wanted.  
  
I couldn't help it. I felt my face growing hotter. And I saw the mischievous glint in his eyes. This wasn't good. This definitely was not good.  
  
He proved me right by lightly pressing his lips against mine. Somehow he had ended up right on top of me, and I couldn't for the life of me tell how. I took a deep breath, remembering the last time he had grown affectionate. This might sure turn out to be pleasant, but I really didn't want to go through this again. Not like this. Not now. Perhaps never.  
  
"Oh come on now, yadonushi. Don't be so damned shy!"  
  
The purring voice right next to my ear made me shiver. His other hand held me firmly down to the bed. This night of all nights... I had school tomorrow!  
  
"I... Perhaps this isn't such a good idea... Maybe you could postpone it until the weekend?"  
  
Right. It was a big mistake to open my mouth like that. His grip on me hardened, his face becoming angry again. I cringed inwardly. No chance to avoid anything now. I should have known his reaction to that.  
  
"What exactly makes you think you have a choice, yadonushi?"  
  
Suddenly there was a knife on my throat. I didn't know how he always managed to carry so many weapons with him. It's not like it mattered, anyway, he could do well enough with just his hands and his mind. I mean harm someone with them. Not.... something else. Great. Even though the situation was so dangerous I still let my mind drift so much. That was dangerous while having a murderous yami on top of me. Currently busily trying to kiss me senseless. He was doing a pretty good job of it.  
  
I moaned into his mouth, and could feel the knife he was holding at the side of my neck draw a little blood. He enjoyed it, didn't he? The feeling that I was completely at his mercy. That I wouldn't be able to resist, because if I did he'd hurt me in all the ways he could. He really _did_ enjoy it.  
  
He chuckled softly. His crimson eyes seemed to glow in the dim light. His pale face hovered above mine, the knife on my throat eased its pressure. Perhaps I was saved for tonight?  
  
No. This became horribly clear when he took my other hand and slid the knife over the wrist. I could see the dark wetness of blood form after it. He hadn't pressed quite enough for the blood to flow freely, but some of it trickled down my arm. I gasped. Pain. So much pain, so much sadness.  
  
I swallowed, trying to stay calm despite the fact that I was starting to panic and couldn't think clearly. So much pain.  
  
Oh no... Not enough pain. This was merely the beginning.  
  
My yami lowered his head against my wrist, I could feel his soft lips trail the course of the wound, the paths of the trickles of blood. It felt good. It felt painful.  
  
I tried very hard not to make any sound. It would just spur him on... I couldn't help but try to draw my arm away from him when he pressed the knife against my skin again.  
  
"What do you think... Should I kill you?"  
  
A small whimper escaped my throat before I could stop it. I knew he wasn't going to kill me, after all. He couldn't. He'd die himself, too... At least I was pretty sure he would. After all, he came from the Ring, right? He needed a body, a host, to gain access to the real world. And he kind of liked me. We had gained a mutual understanding in this short time we had known each other...  
  
He threw back his head and laughed. I could see droplets of my blood on his lips, looking exceptionally dark against his pale skin. White skin and red blood... and the crimson of his eyes. The sight before me was ethereal, I couldn't believe something could look so utterly evil yet so... innocent. There was no intentional cruelty in him. It was simply the way he was. It was the wonder of his existence, the magical aura surrounding him at all times, the feel of ancient sorrows clinging to him like a second skin.  
  
His laughter faded away, and he looked at me. In silence.  
  
...why wasn't he saying anything? He just stared at me, eyes narrowed a touch, head tilted to one side.  
  
The he slowly raised the hand that held the knife and plunged it just below my shoulder.  
  
The pain was immediate. It was immense. I think I screamed.  
  
Somewhere above me hovered a pale face, twisted in rapture, stained with blood. I couldn't see properly, though, as if some kind of a curtain had fallen before my eyes. Everything was so distant. I couldn't focus on anything except the pain.  
  
More pain. Suddenly my whole body was on fire. Or perhaps coated with ice. All I was sure about was that I didn't like it. At all.  
  
I blacked out.  
  
---  
  
[1] Touzoku-ou (or, in a more familiar way to most of you, touzoku-oh) - the King of Thieves. What Bakura likes to call himself in the ancient Egypt story-arc in the manga  
  
[2] yadonushi - host. What Bakura is so fond of calling Ryou in the Japanese version.  
  
[3] urusei - shut up  
  
AN: So there you go. And I know the ending is abrupt, it's supposed to be. And if you necessarily want to know what the heck happened in between Ryou's fainting and beginning of Bakura's POV, use your imagination. Really. I might later change it so that the Bakura POV will be the second chapter, since that's where it belongs. Umm.... Review, please? 


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